Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, reports in a recent newsletter on raising an optimistic child that kids need to believe things can get better and research shows that if they believe they can achieve success, they are more likely to do so. How we talk to ourselves about experiences and how we interpret them impacts our emotional reaction to them. We can teach children about optimism. For example, at the end of the book, the poster about Tomorrow offers promise, possibilities and hope. Also, when Joseph’s mom asks him how he’d like to feel tomorrow at bedtime, he could picture himself being a boy who could be in charge of his big feelings. His mom learned from his reaction at the beginning of the book that he needed tools in order to have a different reaction.
What do you think Joseph’s experience of turning off the TV would have been at the beginning of the book if he felt he had control over what happened to him, if he could limit his thinking to this one experience of turning off the TV, if he understood that turning off the TV is an everyday experience for most kids, and if he believed that this was a momentary disappointment but that he would have more fun things to look forward to tomorrow?
Try matching the examples below with the optimistic thinking examples in the previous paragraph. For example, feeling empowered matches #4.
If Joseph in Mission: CONTROL! A Big Feelings Adventure! had said:
“Nothing ever goes the way I like it.” his mom could help him re-frame his thinking by saying, “There are lots of things you enjoy doing in your day like swimming and playing with your friends. Are you wanting me to know that watching TV is one of your favorites so it’s not easy to stop watching it? “
“I never get to watch TV enough” his mom could say, “I think you’re saying right now you wish you could watch more TV. Is that right?”
“Why do I always have to stop watching TV?” his mom could say, “I think stopping TV time is hard for all kids, don’t you?”
“Why do I have to turn off the TV?” his mom could say, “You didn’t like being surprised when it was time to turn off the TV. Is that right? Would you like it better if we set an alarm so you won’t be surprised when it’s time to turn it off.”
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